Learning the ropes – we get to grips with the sensual art of shibari in Paris

Shibari guru Seb Kinbaku has been practising Japanese bondage for eight years

‘Shibari’, a type of intricate rope bondage that originated in Japan, has become particularly widespread. You may have come across it while using the kink-friendly dating app Feeld, or from reports about (gulp) Armie Hammer’s unusual predilections. Keen to get entangled with this new trend, I’ve roped my boyfriend, Nick, into a trip to the City of Love, to take part in a workshop. Having once been dubbed the world’s most sex-positive city by adult mobile app Laveeza, it’s unsurprising that the people of the French capital have embraced shibari. So much so that it even made its way onto the runways of Paris Fashion Week SS22, inspiring garments by the likes of Marine Serre and Lecourt Mansion.

Victoria and Nick discuss their boundaries

“In France, people like myself have been practising shibari for a long time, but in the past two years it has emerged from the underground world of BDSM parties. It’s becoming more and more mainstream,” says Seb Kinbaku, our teacher for the afternoon, who has been practising Japanese bondage for eight years.

We’ve been holed up for years – it’s no surprise we’d emerge in need of some intimate connection

Seb and his wife Malice (they met through shibari, of course) are at the forefront of the Parisian scene. The pair run monthly group classes at Shibari Art School in the 20th arrondissement, while Seb hosts private sessions at smaller studio space Le Nest Kinbaku, in the 16th. It’s here, sat on a tatami mat in a zen, incense-scented room, that Nick and I get our first introduction to shibari.

The knotty subject of ropework commences

I’m the one being tied up first – I get my turn to learn the ropes later. My job is to enjoy the sensations (simple enough) and to not give my body easily to my partner, who has to ‘capture’ me. As a polite and accommodating Brit, I find this second task a little harder. My boyfriend’s job is to follow Seb’s teachings and learn the three fundamentals of shibari: a base knot, a harness and a constraint.

As Seb carefully binds my calves, he explains that shibari itself isn’t sexual at all. The word on its own actually describes a type of macramé – decorative rope art used to make decorations, gift wrapping and the like. The correct name for the erotic form of Japanese bondage is kinbaku, hence the last name he goes by.

Shibari isn't just a fruity pasttime – it's about human connection

“It means shibari with intention. If I carry out shibari kinbaku, I’m not just tying you up to create something beautiful, but also to communicate an intention. It can be an intention of any kind – sexual, yes, but it could also be a masochistic intention, an intention to cause pain, an intention to be gentle or an intention to play, for example. It’s more than aesthetics, it’s about connection,” he says.

“I think that’s one of the reasons why it’s becoming so popular. We’re increasingly withdrawing from reality and living in a virtual world, away from true connection. Shibari kinbaku, however, is something human, real, concrete. You have to have someone in front of you and touch them and play with sensations. It’s something people are realising they’re missing and seeking out.”

Shibari ropes waiting to be deployed

With that, Seb puts the rope in Nick’s palm and instructs him to place the back of his hand on my calf. “At the start of the ritual, take a moment to look at your partner and connect. Begin with skin-to-skin contact, transmitting your intention through that touch,” he says. “Then focus on that intention as you make your knots.”

Shibari kinbaku is something human, real, concrete

Nick begins. As he tugs the rope around my legs and starts forming the base knot, I can see from the look on his face that his only intention right now is to show off that he can get it right. But the more he grasps the basic ties, the more attention he can give to the emotional side.

Our writer gets meditative

Standing me up, Nick begins to bind my arms to my chest. He’s gentle, never pulling too tight. The rope feels good running along my skin. He leans in again and again to wrap it around my body and occasionally, when our eyes meet, I feel my stomach flutter. The room is quiet, save the sounds of our breathing and pieces of rope brushing against each other. Although Seb is in the room observing, it’s as though there’s no one in the world except for me and Nick. We’re totally absorbed in what we’re doing together; it’s almost meditative.

The post-bondage debrief

According to Seb, the Japanese don’t consider shibari kinbaku as a preliminary stage to sex or as a sexual game, but rather as sex itself. That the discipline is sufficiently rich in emotions and connection to be considered as sex. And while I’m not ready to give up, erm, traditional lovemaking just yet, I can definitely see the benefits of introducing Japanese bondage into one’s relationship. Now all I need to do is figure out whether I can carry ropes in my hand luggage…

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Image : Veronika Marx

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